Sororities, Stereotypes, and Sisterhood

Monika Samtani (co-founder, The Fem Word): Today we're talking about sorority life with Chloe Gillespie and Caroline O’Rourke. They're both juniors studying Strategic Communications at Elon University in North Carolina and are interns at The Fem Word.

I looked up the history and found that sororities were originally termed “women's fraternities” in the mid 1800’s. They also began with students who wanted to meet secretly, but today they're used more for social reasons, community service, and leadership. So there's many positives. Caroline and Chloe, how do you define sorority in your life?

Chloe (TFW intern/Elon University junior): I would define it as a group of women that is an overall support system; I think that is the best word for it in so many different aspects, whether that be friendship-wise or emotionally supportive or in terms of career and involvement on campus. It's a group that has your back, in the most simple terms.

Caroline (TFW intern/Elon University junior): I also see it as a foundation for women who carry a lot of the same values and characteristics and qualities. They're able to connect on that level and be able to form deeper relationships and friendships.

sorority sisters

Tri Sigma members, Chloe Gillespie and Caroline O’Rourke, Spring 2020

Monika: And it's not so secretive, right? It used to be, but there still seems to be a secret element, I feel, especially as a parent, that gives it a slightly negative perception. The idea of Greek life when you're on the outside is all about parties and secrets - and parents never finding out what's happening in a sorority. What is your opinion about that?

Chloe: Well, it's funny because right when you asked, what's your definition of the word sorority, everything that came to my mind were positive attributes. But I understand that, especially before rushing, it was all mysterious to me. But, now that we're in it, there's nothing really secretive about it. It's more so that we have to run as a group and during our chapter meetings, for example, what we discuss only concerns our organization. So it is not necessarily secretive, but I understand that it seems mysterious. 

Monika: So what you're saying is that even before you joined, and I want to get into that process a little later, there was an element of mystery even in your mind.

Caroline: I don't even think it's meant to be secretive. It's something that is really hard to understand if you're not actually in it. So even being affiliated, when I see other sororities on campus, I am still sometimes wondering how their organization runs, just because I'm not a part of that organization. Even though I am involved and understand the concept of a sorority in Greek life at Elon, I still am sometimes confused by other organizations. So I especially understand people who aren't even involved in Greek life and how that can be even more confusing. 

Emily (TFW contributor/editor): I always thought it was kind of mysterious, too. Especially If we put ourselves in the position of someone like me who has never been in a sorority, and doesn't really know anything about it. What do people picture when they think of the term sorority? What are the stereotypes, what are the first things that come to mind in your experience when talking with people?

Caroline:I think people picture a lot of screaming, singing girls. I know there are so many videos and memes online that are constantly attacking the ways of how sororities are and their recruitment processes of them singing at the front doors and all of that. It can definitely have a joking stigma and a lot of times, a negative stigma. But it really just comes down to the person having to push past those boundaries and find out for themselves what the sorority is like and how these girls really are.

Chloe: Right. I think there's some stereotypes around it that make sororities seem that it's all surface level relationships, but it's actually a lot deeper than that. And it's not all about a look or  personality trait. 

Monika: And you’re coming out of high school where there are a lot of the cliques, which are somewhat of a popularity contest. I think maybe some people come into college thinking, is it going to be more of that?

Emily: And there's a sexist connotation around those stereotypes that people think they're just party girls, or they're just singing. And that’s not feminist at all to just assume that's what a sorority is. So I was wondering, traditionally sororities tend to take a back seat to their affiliated fraternity. How has that dynamic changed lately? 

Chloe: Definitely. Particularly at our school, we are dominated by women. So the sorority presence on our campus is overpowering and very empowering for women. And the fraternities are obviously here and prevalent, but there's not really that big of a link. We are really dominant as our own organizations. 

Caroline: Absolutely. And I think that because of the number of women on our campus, my college experience has been shaped from being surrounded by so many women. I love being in an organization of over 200 women that all kind of have the same characteristics and same values that you're able to connect with on a day to day basis. It's so much deeper than what you see through a formal picture or from a philanthropy event. There's just so much more that goes into it. And it also is really nice to have that aspect of fraternities on campus. But I think, as Chloe was saying, we are very much two different things and two different entities. That's something that has made it so much easier to be empowered by women because we don't have such a strong male influence on campus.

Monika: Do you feel that's what it's like across the board though? You’re in a little bit of a unique situation. I'm sure there's other schools as well that have majority, you know, over 50% women and therefore the sororities are super strong and maybe as Emily said, not as traditionally linked to fraternities. Do you think that you are setting a new tone because of this? 

Chloe: Possibly. I know it is different at every school, but I also had that preconception that a sorority is matched with a fraternity. I realized that was definitely not the case here at all. I think it's really great to think that we are setting a tone in terms of empowerment, because once I joined my sorority, all of my preconceived ideas of what I thought the sorority was were completely changed and all for the better. I hope that my experience resonates at other schools as well. 

Caroline: I think when you go to different campuses, sororities will kind of have different things that they're known for. As Emily was saying earlier, there are those girls that are known for being the party girls or there's that sorority that's known for being the pretty girls or the ones that study a lot. A lot of those stigmas are probably created by boys on campus. So it is very interesting to go to a campus and understand what different types of women are part of and to be able to look past what boys have established and how they view girls. 

Chloe: I think we've stopped giving those opinions power on our campus, we do not give their perceptions of our sororities any power anymore because we're very dominant groups. I think that's really great. 

Monika: Wow. That is so good to hear. We're not saying, “hey guys, you don't matter”. It's more so, “hey, we know that we matter.”

Emily: We’re women, we’re not a stereotype. A whole picture, the whole package. We are unique. I love that. I think that is so powerful.

Caroline: Both Chloe and I, and a lot of girls on our campus have recognized this. It is really cool to have girls from other campuses be able to look at that as inspiration and be able to see that there is a possibility at having that kind of change. I think it is really cool to be inspiring like that.

Monika: What sorority did you join and why did you join? 

Caroline: We are both in Tri Sigma at Elon and the specific thing for me that pulled me into Sigma was the concept of having such a tight knit group of girls. Sigma has a very unique dynamic on campus compared to a lot of other organizations where our entire sorority is very, very close. And I know that's really hard to do with over 200 girls. But genuinely there are so many people that are really interested in what you're up to every day, how you're doing, and your wellbeing. If one girl has a situation that goes on in their life that might not be so positive, everyone has their backs by sending flowers or writing cards. There is such a tight-knit network within our sorority and that was so evident when I was on campus before I rushed and throughout the rush experience that kind of drew me into Sigma.

Monika: What is the process of recruitment? What does it all mean? 

Chloe: Ours is a four day process, and the girls rushing go to each sorority and have conversations in each of them. And then it is a mutually ranking experience. So the girls rushing will list their top six, I believe on the first day in the order that they loved them the most or had the best conversation. So then it narrows down. During these conversations, you're paired up with a girl in the sorority and you talk about anything under the sun. It's one of my favorite times of the year because it's such a great way to meet people. Even if you don't end up in the same sorority, you're just having conversations with girls. I really enjoy it. 

Caroline: It is cool to see where the conversation will take you because you're meeting this person for the first time. It can stay really surface level. But for me, that was another reason I knew Sigma was my place, because I was having conversations that all of a sudden were getting very deep. And I started talking about personal things that in most situations I wouldn’t normally open up about. It's interesting to see where a conversation can take you and what you're able to connect with a certain person about.

Monika: So once you're done with that and you figured out which sorority you like and now they like you back. Emily has an interesting question about what happens next. 

Emily: When you're in a sorority there's this stereotype, especially with the Panhellenic and the “divine nine” about hazing and what that is and how it plays out. Is that really something that goes on and is it really negative or are there positive ways that this can take place? Especially in a sorority, it's going to be different than a fraternity. Can hazing be a positive thing or is it not? What is it?

Chloe: Whenever I hear of the word hazing, I always think of the negative perception of it, which I think is natural for everyone. But our sororities on campus have a no hazing policy. Instead of whatever hypothetically could happen, we do what's called a new member period, which is six weeks of our new members spending time together. There's no influence from the older girls. It's them doing what they want to do as a group, and that's how we all get close to the people in our new member class. It’s one of my favorite parts of being in the sorority. It was terrifying to hear, when I was looking at schools, that a particular school hazes. And it was so relieving and empowering to know that this is what we do. We're going roller skating and doing amazing activities. 

Monika: That's so different than our perception on the outside to be honest. We can't deny that bad things have happened for years and years. It’s one of the biggest discussions that I’ve had as a parent with my third kid going to college, and the other two were in a sorority and a fraternity. Obviously as a parent, that's going to be top of mind for me.

Tri sigma bid day

Elon University, Spring 2020

Emily: For anyone thinking about joining, that's intimidating. So once you're in a sorority and you go through college, what happens after you graduate? Does sisterhood still play a big part in your lives? You must've talked to women who are deep in their careers. How do the sister bonds play out later in life?

Caroline: It stays very prominent as you get older. Technology today has allowed us to be able to still connect with those people that we met and the relationships that we've formed. We stay in touch, and there’s the career aspect. It's so awesome because so many girls end up in these really amazing jobs and really cool fields. They end up being a mentor to these younger girls that they knew when they were both in their sororities together at school. And then that also allows them to be able to get in touch with the right person to land a certain job that they want. And so it's really cool because these relationships stay so strong in so many different aspects of networking. And these girls, not to be cliché, end up in your weddings.

Chloe: I am part of a mentorship program for the Elon Communications school and we're paired up with a mentor with similar career aspirations that we have as  students. I was paired with a girl who was in our sorority and we overlapped for just a semester. But we have been in touch every single week and she's been so helpful to me. But this is just an example of how being in this group has broadened my horizons so much in terms of career and internship opportunities.

Monika: We've been talking about how great it is. There's gotta be something that's not so great. Maybe there’s something that’s happened, and you think, well maybe that’s not the best part of being in a sorority.

Chloe: I think on any campus, but ours as well, it's so exciting to have a group of women in your sorority and there's not enough time in the day to spend time with all of them. Naturally, it is difficult to maintain your friendships outside of your sorority at all times. That's something that I've struggled with, having the time and energy to maintain all the relationships in all aspects of my life, when I devote so much time to this. In the grand scheme of things, it's a good problem to have, but there is also a constant reminder that I don't want to lose any friendship just because we're not the same organization.

Caroline: Also, because of the nature of how prevalent sorority life is specifically on our campus, it can be easy to feel a swallowed and overwhelmed with the amount of different personalities that are happening.  Sometimes you can feel like a little fish in a really big sea. And I wouldn't say that's how it is overall, but it definitely can happen here and there.

Monika: That's a life lesson too, right? When you get out of any college campus, especially the quintessential one like Elon and you get out of that bubble and into real life, you're going to have to understand that you have a million things you could be doing. How do you figure out which direction you're going to go? What do you think that your college experience would have been if you didn't join a sorority?

Caroline: We rush second semester of freshman year, and first semester, I did not feel at home at Elon. I didn't feel like I had really good friends and people that I really felt myself around. And so I wonder if I had never rushed, would I still be having an incredible experience? It makes me so excited to come back to Elon every semester. I don’t know if I could be saying that right now if I hadn’t rushed. It's definitely terrifying. I'm so grateful

Monika: So the takeaways I am hearing are, especially for someone who might not know if it's right for you, is that you definitely will have a support system of girls. Obviously if you have 200 or 300 girls, you're not going to like everybody, but you're definitely going feel like you're a part of something. The chance to get involved expands, and the awareness of opportunities on campus broadens. Are there any life lessons that you have learned about picking and choosing and not feeling overwhelmed?

Caroline: My biggest life lesson is that I've learned to become so much more confident in myself. This confidence is something that I can carry in a workplace, in any professional setting, and my future in general. Confidence is something that so many women struggle with. Being empowered by so many other girls that are in my organization has helped me find myself and discover this confidence that my high school self or younger self would never know that I had within me. It's been amazing to watch my own personality grow and to be able to gain that really important life skill that I know I'll carry with me for many, many years.

Monika: Wow. What about you, Chloe?

Chloe: It can be overwhelming to be around so many women who are doing amazing things,  and we talk about those things [as a group] a lot because we want to empower each other. One of my biggest lessons has been to be motivated and encouraged by that instead of feeling pressured and less than other people. I realized we don’t need to think negatively about someone else if you're not doing the same thing, instead empower each other. 

Tri Sigma

Preference Day

Elon University, Spring 2020

Monika: Oh, I love that. This has been amazing for me, very educational for me as well. It's important to look at all aspects when you're deciding to get into college. And maybe it's not right for everybody, but it sounds like, at least for you guys, and the majority of the time, there's a lot of positives to being in a sorority.

Emily: And if you have all these stereotypes, then go talk to someone who's in a sorority and find out as we just did. Thank you guys so much.

Monika: Thank you so much, Chloe and Caroline, The Fem Word interns from Elon University. Thank you!

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